Sometimes it's the simple things in life...

Two men, both happy to see each other, greet by giving the old triple handshake.

First Man: "What are you all so smiling about?"

Second Man: "I'm happy.

I'm free.

I'm alive.

I'm outta prison."

Hm, wonder what we're talking about here?

Woman, heading down Church Street with her friends, walks away from another man.

She turns and says,"Don't worry. I'll be back. Yeah, we'll smoke up."

Okay, this is not technically a quote... but we hope you agree, well worth posting

A woman and a man sitting quietly at the bus stop.

The man, wearing a t-shirt, lifts the shirt over his head showing his back.

The woman, grabs an object and start rubbing his back with it.

And yes, the object is a razor.

She is SHAVING HIS BACK IN PUBLIC AT A BUS STOP!

What's love got to do with it?

Girlfriends walking down the street together. They split off in pairs and one says to the other:

Girl 1: "Bye Babs, bye Beth!"

Beth (by deduction): "Bye."

Girl 1: "Beth! Bye! I love you!"

SILENCE....

Girl 1: "BETH!"

Beth: "What?"

Girl 1: "I LOVE YOU!"

Beth, ever so sincere: "I love you... alright then... jeepers!"

Yeah, it's probably best to stop talking after that...

One guy to another:

"Oh, last night, I was so wasted. I had eleven beers and then...."

(The mumbling started heavily after that.)

These little town blues...

Said one woman, obviously from NYC, to another:

"I didn't know wheres youz waz!"

I'm not inviting you to my house, that's for sure!

A man, upset, talking to his lady friend.

"Last night, oh, I was so pissed. I was starving so I got up and made waffles and syrup.

I went back to bed.

So, I'm slicing it and the whole thing falls all over my bed."

There's a difference?

A proud father on the streets says "I got my kids back because I don't smoke pot and I don't smoke weed!"