When you gotta go, you gotta go...

Two men are in Borders, rushing up the stairs to the second floor in a big hurry.

Young Man #1:
"He's going to be waiting for us at the corner. Why don't you just give me the money now and I'll go get the bag while you go in here?"

Young Man #2:
"I can't stop to get my wallet or I'll unload it right here. I don't know if I am going to make it now."

Young Man #1:
"If we're not there, he isn't going to wait."

Both young man are now running up the stairs...

Young Man #2:
"You're both just going to have to wait unless you're prepared to mop up these stairs!"

Young Man #1:
"Okay, I'll just come with you, I could go too."

Nobody does

Lady on the street:

"I just don't like getting pushed around!"

Don't pass go, and don't collect the $200 either...

Girl: "Hey, you know me? I'm upfront. I tell you how it is. Hey! How you doin' babe?"

Guy: "I didn't know they had cameras on Church Street."

Girl: "Why? What happened?"

Guy: "I'm on his caseload, you know? So he popped the video in and says 'I'm gonna have to put you in jail.'"

Hey, I saw this ad in the back of Seven Days!

Lady talking to her friend says,

"Listen... the last three days he's come up to me and he's been licking my face."

They know what causes that nowadays

A guy is chatting with his friend, a new Dad, who is pushing a baby stroller.

The guy sees his girlfriend and yells to her:

Guy: "Hey, sweetie, come take a look! He's got a three month old!"

Sweetie to Dad: "You old bast-terd!"

Guy: "He had 'nother one up in that!"

Sweetie: "How'd you do that?"

Something to be proud of

On one of our first awesome spring day's in Vermont:

Brueggers Man: "With this gorgeous weather, I'm headed to the country club today."

His friend: "Have fun golfing!"

Brueggers Man: "Oh, I'm not golfing. I'm just a drinking member, I'm not an actual member."