And they say young people have no work ethic...

Two girls, quite tired looking, walking through Outdoor Gear Exchange passed me.

One says to the other, "I'm just gonna drink a beer."

"Then get a buzz... then to go work."

Oh, I think he has your number alright...

A girl yelling loudly at a guy across the way, near Outdoor Gear Exchange, "Hey, got my number Dude!"

No answer from the Dude.

"I can give you mine!"

No, YOU'RE out of order!

Man out in front of the State office building asks my co-worker:

"Hey, where's the &(#($*% court house?"

My co-worker replies, "Just cross St. Paul Street and go down another block, and it's on your right."

Man: "Huh?"

Co-worker:  "Just down this street (me pointing) and it's a big brick building on the right."

Man: "No, I think it's this building right here *(*$&#&*%" and walks past me and goes into our building.

Yeah, and don't pass Go or collect $200 either!

Walking down ye old Church Street, a man says to his friend,

"When you're in jail, what can you do?

You can't do nothin'!"

It's Miller time!

Two women walking down Church Street and one says to the other,

"Six bucks will get you nine beers."

The other woman says,

"That's it???"

Woman one says, "Yeah, tall boys."

Maybe you should turn around...

Girl to no one special:

"It's not the greatest things ever...

it's not the worst thing ever...

but compared to where we're headed,  it's not too bad."

Glad she wasn't a guy!

Big burly guy to his buddies:

"I thought she was dude for the longest time!

That's why I beat her like a man!"

Yeah, it's a beauty...

Girl to her friend:

"Do you like my ring?

It's not real but it's heavy!"

Sounds like he did.

Two men walking down Church Street when one says to the other,

"Did you get hooked up?"

His response was, "Huh?"

The man reiterated "Did you get hooked up?"
Quietly to myself I said, "Sounds like he did."

Are we talking Pokemon or Star Wars?

A man and a woman were deep in conversation when the woman said, "I'm fighting the boss of Horab right now."

The man then said, "Yeah, he's really tough!"

Yes, it certainly is...

It was 7:30 AM and time for a little coffee.

We walked by a group of gentlemen who were chatting about the stock market when one of them broke away, set down his coffee can (for tips) and coffee in a cup. He began singing at the top of his lungs. It was not really quite on key. He was hoping for some spare change or stock market tips.

As we passed another man, who has the tough job of cleaning cigarette butts off Church Street, he said to me, "It's gonna be a long day."

Indeed.

So, what do you think? Gun, metal plate in head or fancy court sponsored ankle bracelet?

A nice lady walking down Church Street mentions to her friend,
"And here's the part that's going to be interesting. I have to walk through a metal detector."

Must be one of them there high tech jobs, eh?

One of our leading quote finders was sitting on City Hall steps in the park for lunch today.

After a while, she happened to notice a young dude sitting about 10 feet away and smoking a joint.

When his phone rang, he answered:

"Ya, I'm at still at work. But I'm on break now".

It had better be

Walking down ye old Church Street, a young fellow smiles and says to his friend:

"I know she's gonna find out.

I'm know I'm gonna be in trouble.

But I know it's gonna be worth it!"

Maybe because you call them fat?

Two guys talking, looking confused.

First guy: "Why do fat chicks do that?"
Second guy: "I have no idea."

Yeah, you're a keeper... can't wait to bring you home and meet the parents.

A guy and a girl are chatting. She starts to walk away.

He yells to her, while giving her the "I'm #1" salute, "F-U!"

She turns and says, "Oh, be nice."

He says, "That IS being nice."

I'll drink to that... oh, maybe I shouldn't...

A woman sitting with her friends, yelled over to her police friend, who had just congratulated her.

"It's been two years being sober.

That's why I'm wearing black today."

Yeah, that'll do it

A large group gathered around the rock, including one non-white woman.

A white woman shouts out, "Call her a black somethin'. Don't make her feel bad!"

And you wonder why the unemployment rate is so high

A young job seeker talking to her friend said,

"I had a job interview the other day and I didn't even know what it was for!

You just show up and sell stuff, that's it!"

If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy

A nice lady, but a bit upset with her husband said,

"I told him y'all's gonna be sleeping in the van...

The sheriff's comin' to Mommy's house!"

An exciting day and he even passed "Go" and collected $200!

A very happy guy yelled out to his passing friends,

"They took 25 days off and $6000 bail. You can't beat that!"

Sometimes it doesn't pay to pick up your trash.

A young boy, trying to keep up with his family but hustles over to a trash can to get rid of his gum wrapper.

"Wait! Wait!

I just have to throw this in the garbage.

Hey! You can't abandon me!"

Insurance or museum?

A lady, from out of town, walking with her friends, wonders,

"You know, I think there's a giant aquarium around here. The gecko? Yeah, the Gecko!"

That's just wrong.

Lady, talking to no one in particular, but I heard her.

She says, "You wanna know somethin'?

You can have all the nice people in the world but the world is wrong."

Yes, ALL of them are here...

Two ladies chatting, smokin' a Camel and enjoying the warm sunshine.

One finally stops and yells loudly to no one in particular, "This is why I hibernate because all the freaks and retards come out!"

When no in particular responded to her, she shouted once more, "All the freaks are coming out on Church Street!"

A guy and his dog walk by, she then says, "Wow, that's a cute dog."

So you want to be a chef?

Two guys walking down Church Street pass the Three Tomatoes restaurant.

Guy 1: "Is this the restaurant attached to that cooking school?

Guy 2: "I don't know."

Guy 1: "You know the one?"

Guy 2: "Yeah."

Guy 1: "The one attached to the CIA or the MCI or whatever."

Guy 2: "I think it's gone."

Careful with this guy!

Walking down Church Street listening to his buddy who says:

"So, I sez to this guy.

See this face?

Well, look at it now because that's what it's gonna like after I wreck yours!

Ha-ha!"

I don't have any either, sorry...

First guy, "Are you going?"

Second guy, "Yeah, I'm going."

First guy, "Can you get me a pouch or do you need the money?"

Second guy, "Oh, I aint' got s**t for money!"

Oh, we're lucky alright...

A guy, quite happy, yelled back to his friend,

"You're lucky, I'm high! Ha-ha-ha!"

Move it along...

A street guy, when asked to move off one of the stages set up for an event, stated

"I guess we'll have to go back to sitting on the rocks."

Sometimes it's the simple things in life...

Two men, both happy to see each other, greet by giving the old triple handshake.

First Man: "What are you all so smiling about?"

Second Man: "I'm happy.

I'm free.

I'm alive.

I'm outta prison."

Hm, wonder what we're talking about here?

Woman, heading down Church Street with her friends, walks away from another man.

She turns and says,"Don't worry. I'll be back. Yeah, we'll smoke up."

Okay, this is not technically a quote... but we hope you agree, well worth posting

A woman and a man sitting quietly at the bus stop.

The man, wearing a t-shirt, lifts the shirt over his head showing his back.

The woman, grabs an object and start rubbing his back with it.

And yes, the object is a razor.

She is SHAVING HIS BACK IN PUBLIC AT A BUS STOP!

What's love got to do with it?

Girlfriends walking down the street together. They split off in pairs and one says to the other:

Girl 1: "Bye Babs, bye Beth!"

Beth (by deduction): "Bye."

Girl 1: "Beth! Bye! I love you!"

SILENCE....

Girl 1: "BETH!"

Beth: "What?"

Girl 1: "I LOVE YOU!"

Beth, ever so sincere: "I love you... alright then... jeepers!"

Yeah, it's probably best to stop talking after that...

One guy to another:

"Oh, last night, I was so wasted. I had eleven beers and then...."

(The mumbling started heavily after that.)

These little town blues...

Said one woman, obviously from NYC, to another:

"I didn't know wheres youz waz!"

I'm not inviting you to my house, that's for sure!

A man, upset, talking to his lady friend.

"Last night, oh, I was so pissed. I was starving so I got up and made waffles and syrup.

I went back to bed.

So, I'm slicing it and the whole thing falls all over my bed."

There's a difference?

A proud father on the streets says "I got my kids back because I don't smoke pot and I don't smoke weed!"

Maybe you should listen to her

Two semi-troubled looking ladies talking...

STL #1: "I'm staying out of trouble."

STL #2: "I don't want to hear it. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!"

I don't want to know what THEY are

Two ladies walking down Church Street:

Lady #1: "He said they were clean."

Lady #2: "Yeah, yeah, he said they were swollen but..."

I always feel better afterwards...

Man on the street to his well bathed buddy,

"I wouldn't waste my time on that. I'd just take a hot shower."

I believe I'll have a coffee... does that count?

Walking down Church Street on a bright, sunny day to get my usual Brueggers coffee, I spotted the singing lady. If you venture down Church Street, you've seen her and know who I'm talking about.

This time, however, she wasn't singing, she was talking to herself or anyone (like me) who might listen:

"I don't know. I don't think humans believe in anything."

So, just so we understand... you got denied?

One lady, practically yelling to her friend, who is standing right next to her:

"I went down there... I got denied!

I applied... I got denied!

I appealed... I got denied!

I went back down there... I got denied!"

Sometimes the truth hurts...

Man on the street:

"Every time you tell the truth, you get in trouble. So f***, I'm gonna lie!"

All is forgiven!

Lady, talking to her friend, on a cell phone:

"He may have been an a-hole when he was alive, but he left everything to her."

I'd get it in writing, if it were me...

Guy: "Do you have a dollar?"

Girl: "I only have one left. Are you gonna give it back to me?"

Guy: "YES!'

Crack, it's the real thing!

One pan handler to another...

"I'm on so much crack, it's unreal."

.... which was quickly followed by a drug deal.

I'm really sorry, really...

Man on the street to his "mentor":

"You know, I want to say I'm sorry for yesterday and what my friend did to you.
It's pretty bad when you have to babysit your friends.
I apologize for that.
When I see him, I'm going to smash him for you."

We're looking for a few good men... or even one!

One man to another:

"Respect... honor... and hatred."

How about a stick of Nicorette?

Two guys chatting on the street:

1st guy: "Hey, man, give me a cigarette!"

2nd guy: "I don't have any, man."

1st guy: "Where did you get the one in your mouth then?"

2nd guy: "I bummed it off my parole officer."

Do You Believe In Miracles? Where are we?

Planning a trip to Lake Placid, I stopped in to one of the local bookstores in search of book about the Olympic city.

Unable to find what I was looking for, the nice young woman directed me to the travel section.

She picked up a book on Western NY.

I commented that Lake Placid probably wouldn't be in there.

She then said to me, "Oh, I don't even know where Lake Placid is."

Just wait five minutes, it'll change...

Woman chatting with a new guy friend, while smoking a cigarette on Church Street:

I love Vermont!

I really do... just not the weather.

Uh, I think it IS a crime, actually...

Guy #1: "My friend grows the s**t. It gives you more energy, more focus and it doesn't give you the munchies. What??? I smoke pot, is that a crime?"

Guy #2: "What about the crackheads, dopeheads?"

Guy #1: "They all get a free pass."

Guy #2: "Welcome to America, my friend!"

Guy #1: "It's just not right. There's nothing wrong with smokin' pot."

Guy #2: "Everything in moderation."

Guy #1: "That's right."

A penny for your thoughts... or a dime... a nickel?

Entering the local Rite-Aid/Brooks, one can always look forward to some good people watching and if you're lucky, you get a quick conversation with the new check-out clerk:

I picked up a couple items at lunch and the total cost came to $4.06. I gave the clerk a ten dollar bill and then gave him a dime and a penny as it was all I had.

He looked at me and said, "Do you have a penny?"

I said, "I gave you a dime and a penny."

His hand held the coins. He looked intently at his hand once more, saying "But I wanted to give you six cents."

I looked at his hand, which now held two pennies.

Once more, I said "But I gave you a dime and a penny."

He stared some more at the coins, turned to the cash register, grabbed some money and said, "Here's your change, six dollars and five cents."

I said, "Thank you very much sir!" and walked away.

How he finally came up with the right numbers, I'll never know.

When you gotta go, you gotta go...

Two men are in Borders, rushing up the stairs to the second floor in a big hurry.

Young Man #1:
"He's going to be waiting for us at the corner. Why don't you just give me the money now and I'll go get the bag while you go in here?"

Young Man #2:
"I can't stop to get my wallet or I'll unload it right here. I don't know if I am going to make it now."

Young Man #1:
"If we're not there, he isn't going to wait."

Both young man are now running up the stairs...

Young Man #2:
"You're both just going to have to wait unless you're prepared to mop up these stairs!"

Young Man #1:
"Okay, I'll just come with you, I could go too."

Nobody does

Lady on the street:

"I just don't like getting pushed around!"

Don't pass go, and don't collect the $200 either...

Girl: "Hey, you know me? I'm upfront. I tell you how it is. Hey! How you doin' babe?"

Guy: "I didn't know they had cameras on Church Street."

Girl: "Why? What happened?"

Guy: "I'm on his caseload, you know? So he popped the video in and says 'I'm gonna have to put you in jail.'"

Hey, I saw this ad in the back of Seven Days!

Lady talking to her friend says,

"Listen... the last three days he's come up to me and he's been licking my face."

They know what causes that nowadays

A guy is chatting with his friend, a new Dad, who is pushing a baby stroller.

The guy sees his girlfriend and yells to her:

Guy: "Hey, sweetie, come take a look! He's got a three month old!"

Sweetie to Dad: "You old bast-terd!"

Guy: "He had 'nother one up in that!"

Sweetie: "How'd you do that?"

Something to be proud of

On one of our first awesome spring day's in Vermont:

Brueggers Man: "With this gorgeous weather, I'm headed to the country club today."

His friend: "Have fun golfing!"

Brueggers Man: "Oh, I'm not golfing. I'm just a drinking member, I'm not an actual member."

He's got the right stuff...

Guy #1: "You got any on ya?"

Guy #2: "Yeah."

Guy #1: "How much?"

Guy #2: "Twenty bucks."

Guy #1: "Twenty bucks?"

Guy #2: "Yeah. twenty bucks."

The prodigal brother?

Question to merchant: "Do you know where I can find a good vegetarian restaurant?"

Merchant: "Three Tomatoes is right around the corner."

Customer: "Do they serve any meat dishes there?"

Merchant: "Yes, I think you can get some meat dishes there."

Customer: "Oh, I don't want to give my brother the possibility of having meat."

He smiles.

I'm not going to make you mad, that's for sure...

Two guys chatting on Church Street and one says to the other,

"I don't know how to make a p***-bomb, but if I did know how to make one, I'd put it right outside that door. BOOM!"

Gosh, what were you doing with it?

"I sliced my little pinky last night with my switchblade."

Oh, I don't think you have to worry about that.

"I can't be ripping off people that I know! It's not good for my rep."

Is this weeks or months or years???

A man speaking to his friend:

"I went the other day and they offered me 3 to 8. Yesterday, they offered me 3 to 5."

We can't post THAT on this blog!

A man and a woman headed down Church Street to get their coffee.

Suddenly, the woman turned and yelled to someone behind me (I hope),

"Where have you been? I've been looking around for you all morning like a f********** retard!"

How bad do you figure he was?

Young woman on her cell phone, "I would never have sex with you. NEVER!"

I love to shop at Macy's!

Walking through Macy's at lunch can be fun:

Woman: "That's why I don't go shopping with you. You don't never get me nothin' nice!"

Man: "I don't never get you nothin' nice?"

Woman: "Yeah, you don't never get me nothin' nice."

Lions and tigers and...

At a local Church Street store, two clerks were discussing the decorations:

Clerk one: "Eileen, just to let you know, I plugged in the bears."

Eileen (by deduction): "Oh, okay."

Clerk one: "Are we supposed to plug in the bears?"

Eileen: "Oh, I don't know. I don't know anything about the bears."

Word to the wise....even if the listener is an on-duty police officer.

"When you go out at 2 a.m. to buy drugs, you can get killed!"

That's okay, I forgot the questions...

"Hey! What happened to you, man? I had the answers for you and everything!"

That's why smoking is bad for you!

Two guys approaching each other…

First guy: "I'm gonna kill you!.... While you're sleeping….. Gimme a cigarette!"

Second guy: "It's my last one!"

First guy: "Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

I was listening...

"I was trying to tell a story but you wouldn't know, would you, 'cause you weren't listening."

I thought Jimmy liked Elaine?

"I dropped out a couple of times when I was having problems with Jimmy."

Maybe he already smoked the 'stuff'

Two guys meet, where else, in front of Old Navy.

First guy: "Hey, you got the stuff?"

Second guy: "I gave it to the girl."

First guy: "What girl?"

Second guy: "I don't know."

It brought a tear to my eye, I tell ya...

After a long diatribe of f-bombs, from both himself and his friend, the man tells his 'girlfriend':

"Remember, despite everything I still love ya."

The unnamed nurse speaks...

"When I worked at CVH, I used to hit on any doctor when I needed drugs."

As long as that's all you're killing, that's good...

"Yup. That's about all I'm doing today. Just killing time."

Make a wish and throw your coin in the fountain... or not.

"I don't go out looking for keys, you know.

Money or coins in a fountain, okay.

What do you think I am?"

I assume it wasn't an H1N1 shot, huh...

"…he never called no more, but ever since he got shot…"

Oh, the humanity!

"I really want a coffee, but they won't let me smoke in Borders."

They make 'em smart up there

Submitted from north of the border, from McGill University.

Two freshman waiting at a traffic light to cross the street, audible walk signal started to beep.

Bright student #1: "What's that noise?"

Bright student #2: "It's for the deaf."

Bright student #1: "Oh, yeah."

Good ole what's his name

Two women smoking outside of Old Navy.

One says to the other:

"Oh, yeah, I know him. He's one of my exes. What's his last name?"

Maybe the Marines will want you, they're looking for a few good men!

Two friends chatting.

Friend 1: "So, what did you do today?"

Friend 2: "Well, I slept late, played some video games, and started looking for a job."

And where is that section exactly???

Scene in Borders:

Male Clerk: "May I help you?"

Female Customer: "Yes, I'm looking for the illicit sex section."

Male Clerk: "Yes, we have a whole section. I'll show you."

Other male customer, standing nearby, "And all of us will follow you down there."

We always wait until 3 o'clock

"I can't go drinking now, I just got up!"

Get a job!

Story to friend:

"So, he says do you have a job?" and I said "Gotta job? I have a job."

"Asking you for money, that's my job."

Other friend:

"Yeah, that's right."

Maybe a barking spider?

Clerk to customer:

"Can you take your stuff out of the bag?
I don't put my hands inside bags as you never know what's inside them."

Isn't that how this whole thing started?

"As soon as I'm done with this probation, I'm gonna get an 8th and a bowl and smoke up."

Sometimes it can't be helped

"Well, I don't really want to go jail."

I bet that went well

"Hey, yeah, it's me. I just got out of a meeting with my PO (parole officer)."

Another reason for trombone lessons

A bunch of guys were talking and smoking cigarettes and one said,

"Yeah, that's true. If you have a bottle of gin and a trombone, you can get in anywhere."

Another outstanding citizen

"Because I won't be pressing charges, the state will."

Lucky guy...

"That's the ONLY guy I'm ever going to be with again - humping-wise."

Did you tape it for America's Home videos?

"So, you really kicked him in the balls, huh?"

But do they go past "Go" first and collect $200?

"I guess a lot of people are in jail nowadays."

Elvis lives!

Well, you certainly meet some interesting people in this neck of the woods. Or actually, in just about any neck of the woods. And last Saturday was no exception.I was in a rush (when am I not?) and needed some cash.

It was Saturday and I was headed to the dump and needed cash. They don't take debit cards, you know. So I stopped on Cherry St. at the local Rite Aid (which used to be Brooks, but that's another story) to make a mini purchase (double stuffed Oreo's to bring as dessert to camp that night). The store was quiet that day (like an old man returning soup to a deli), not a soul in line and only one clerk, behind the counter, on his cell phone.

I approached with my double stuffed Oreo's (not for me, really) plopped them down on the counter and waited for the end of his phone call. He finally grunted to me that that wasn't his register so I went to the next one over and waited.

He looked like Elvis, the 70's one, not from when he was younger. He was a touch overweight, and had long sideburns that curled around the bottom of his cheek bones.He came over slowly to the register and said, somewhat under his breath, "Greenhouse effect." I asked him what he said as I wasn't sure what he really said. I could tell that this was one of those times I wished I brought my little tape recorder.He said, "Oh, nothing. It's just this psychosis in my head comes up at all most inconvenient times. It's okay, it coincides with the arrival of my customers."

I said, "Oh, okay." Then we went further, as no one was waiting behind me and suddenly, I was in no rush at all as I love conversations like this. Can you tell?

He said, "You know, with global warming, by Christmas, all the polar ice caps in the Arctic will have melted." He continues, as I wasn't going to interrupt now, he was on a roll."You know, all the ice will melt and the polar bears and penguins will start to drown in the water. Coca-Cola does all those commercials with the polar bears drinking Coke." he related. In my mind, I'm thinking, they can't swim?

But I was not going to stop him. He went on, "I was thinking, with the polar bears and penguins drowning, the Orca whales will swim in and start picking them off, one by one, making for a great commercial. You could bring Bing Crosby up to the Arctic to sing White Christmas and as the commercial faded out, with the Orca whales eating the penguins and polar bears, the screen would flash 'Always Coca-Cola.'"

As I waited for what else he had to say, another customer finally came up behind me and the clerk said, "Next!"

One should not rush through life or one will miss beautiful moments like this one.

And no, he did not say, "Thank you... thank you very much."